Bozo the clown

After last week's dating misfire, I returned to the my old internet stomping grounds for a little more punishment. Apparently, I've been a very bad girl.

I posted a funny little ad on Criagslist last week. As I waded through the responses, no one caught my eye. I decided to reply to the best of the average, and that's why I talked to a clown last night.

This is a case of having too little information before giving someone your phone number. A post-number-giving google search made me laugh/cry. This guy freelances as a children's party clown! Shit. Shit. Shit.

Fortunately, I was surrounded by friends. Someone called the number to request pictures and references. (He sent pictures today!) Others made inappropriate and hysterical clown sex jokes.
He called last night and it lasted all of two minutes. (Insert joke here.) As much as I enjoy Eugene Levy as the father in American Pie, I can't date that guy. There was a brief chat about what we ate for dinner followed up by a poorly executed story involving dinner. After I asked Bozo how old he was (39-- not in my dating range), I informed him this wasn't going to happen. He quickly and politely ended the call.

What the h-e-double hockey sticks! People wonder why I'm already so specific in my ads, and now I have to add this to the list. So now I'm looking for a funny, smart, compassionate guy who wears deoderant, has friends, and is not a professional clown.

The blind leading the blind

This week, I invited a prospect out to a baseball game. Miracle of miracles, I didn't meet this guy online. I met him through work! We had a flesh and blood conversation without meeting for one drink at a bar for the "could I like you, your picture is accurate, but your humor exists only on e-mail, and sorry to hear that you are new to town and have never had a girlfriend before" date. Why am I more prepared for that stressful hour than I am randomly meeting someone with common interests?

There's always been a dash of flirty in our previous work meetings and e-mails. I thought an invitation to baseball game on Tuesday night would scream, "I'm interested in you! And if you say yes, you may be interested in me!"

Around the fourth inning, he mentioned "the girl he was dating." Would the girl that he's dating appreciate the way he's leaning into and touching the girl he's NOT dating? And why didn't this come up sooner? A mention during an earlier coffee get together or e-mail exhange would have saved me three hours of pretending we were just two friends drinking beer and watching a baseball game. FYI-This guy was an affectionate little bugger even after he dropped the girly bomb.

Although, I knew deep down in my heart with the Lord guiding me through this difficult time....

Just kidding. I sent a testing the water e-mail hoping that something had changed. Maybe he wasn't dating the girl anymore and there was room for a non-practicing Catholic in his Jewish world! His response was unimpressive and helped the rational side of me bully the irrational side. The disappointment still lingers. And the shock still shocks.

Is he clueless? Did he want to go to a baseball game that badly? Is he a player? (I happen to be a player hater.) Is he hoping to score a little fallen Catholic nookie?

It doesn't matter what he is. The bottom line is that he's no longer a prospect. RIP.