Disaster Relief

Where have all the single men gone? They’re ice climbing!

2007-02-08T18:42:00.000-08:00

Tired of searching for eligible bachelors online, Meg and I spend a few weekends going out to bars and restaurants, blatantly looking for dudes. Nothing terrible, we didn’t hooch out or anything just went out as two single gals looking meet new people.

Weekend one we hit Meg’s neighborhood and go to an Irish bar we are very fond of. Little did we know we were about to enter the couple zone. It was beyond ridiculous! After dinner and a few drinks we could not stop laughing, it was like we missed some sort of a rally where everyone in the city got paired up. “Did you get that memo?” I asked Meg. Come to city hall, last chance! EVERYONE gets a mate!!!

Not to be discouraged easily, we spend the evening cracking up and enjoying “couple watching” – the couple that has been together so long they don’t even talk nor look at one another, the couple on their second or third date just dying to make out but getting drunk to make it more comfortable, the cute couple in their early 20s who can’t go anywhere without holding hands (to be perfectly honest we hoped they would spontaneously burst into fire for their adorableness and blatant bliss), the couple we couldn’t figure out (are they brother and sister? Friends? Is he gay?), the couple that has been together for 10 years and may or may not be married and eat way too much. Every person who entered the bar was with a partner. Well except for the cute bartender but we’ll save that for another entry as that option is yet to be explored. Overall the night was surreal but really funny.

The next weekend we decide to change it up and we visit several establishments in my neighborhood. We actually went to four bars and encountered the same story – couples, couples, couples and more couples. With ever bar this got less and less funny to the point where it got depressing and then it just pissed us off. What is going on? NO single men? NO men who are not single but out with their friends? We’re just out looking to talk to people – at this point any male attention is welcome. I was two beers away from walking up to some random dude, looking at his date and asking: who’s the bitch?? (Story to be explained at a later date as well).

Little did we know the answer to our question was just around the corner. As Meg mentioned previously, we were lucky enough to spend last weekend in the UP at the Michigan Ice Fest, the title of which is very deceiving as it should be called the Michigan Hot Man Fest. Holy mother! Hot men just traveled in packs of four, they were everywhere! The hotel, the pool, the restaurant, the registration, the slide shows and the bar. Even hotter? It was Super Bowl weekend and these dudes could have cared less, they were here to climb some ice! I couldn’t even begin to count the amount of cute, bearded, blue eyed, stocking hat wearing men with amazing butts. And did I mention polite? I mean, dudes who can fix stuff and your mom would fall in love with. And they all seemed to think we were hilarious. We were in such awe we couldn’t even do anything about it. So not prepared for all of this!!

So, the plan for next year: head to the UP, score some hot athletic men and climb more than two feet of ice. The way things are going around here it may the next time we run into a single dude.

Climb on, Climber

2007-02-08T13:09:00.000-08:00

This weekend Beth and I headed up to the U.P. of Michigan with some friends for Michigan's Ice Fest. Beth will tell you more about that later. But for now, I thought I'd share an IM between Beth and I from earlier today.

Some background- we were waiting in line for gear and filling out our forms. I asked the guy in front of us if we could borrow his pen. I noticed that the man with the pen was pretty hot. After a few minutes, pen man turned around and asked if we were from the area and chatting ensued. Luckily the event was totally disorganized and we waited in line for about 2 hours. He introduced himself and I think he may've said his name was Guy. Someone else thought it was Don. Beth and I thought he looked like a Dave. So he is Guy Dave in our eyes.

Guy Dave is a roofer in Michigan. His brother got him into rock climbing 5 months ago and he can't get enough of it. He'd never ice climbed before. He wasn't going to take a class- too pricey. He figured he'd just try it out and see how it went. He's even considering selling his drums to pay for more climbing trips. So...conversation continued. Guy Dave appreciated our ridiculous humor and time flew by. After we got our gear we went our separate ways with some "good lucks" and "see you laters" exchanged.

An incredible day of climbing ensued. Beth can tell you more about that. Then, that night, we saw Guy Dave from afar. He was talking to some people and we were going to be friends at the bar so we didn't connect. We figured we'd catch up with them at the bar. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER. Didn't catch up with him.

The next day Beth and I went to watch some of our XTREME friends climb, while we cheered them on and took pictures. Who was there? Guy Dave! Happy as ever to see us. As we expected, he was an instant pro at ice climbing and had fallen deeply in love with the sport. But not nearly as much as Beth and I had fallen in love with him. He's so stinking polite and happy and....how do you say....really freaking hot.

We watched with our own four eyes as Guy Dave scurried up the biggest ice climb with more finesse than Michelle Kwan. Seriously- he looked better than the pros. For as deeply in love as we were with Guy Dave, we were trying to be realistic. There was really no point in trying to stay in touch with this guy. I offered to take pictures of him when he was climbing and he happily handed me his little disposable camera. He walked over to get in line to climb and Beth and I took a picture of ourselves. I think Guy Dave will really like that.

Days have passed, but our deep love for Guy Dave has not. As evidenced by this im...

b: i wonder if guy/dave has developed his pictures yet
m: i thought about that this morning. he needs to show his brother, so maybe. but i could also see that guy having the disposable camera in his drawer for another 2 months.
b: i thought - he finally takes the last two of his car or something
b: a roof
m: exactly. his aunt's birthday party.
b: some new climbing gear
m: happy birthday aunt terry!
m: his buddy gets a new dog, maybe.
m: take a picture!
m: the next door neighbor's new truck.
m: that guy. i can totally see it. it's cold...he's working on some old lady's roof. brings her some dunkin donuts coffee and a cinnamon roll in the morning.
m: he knows her cause he went to school with her son. "mornin mrs. anderson...sure is cold out, huh?"
b: you're so right
b: i'm making the face
b: she makes him hot chocolate and asks him if he wants some
b: he says: i would sure love some, thank you
m: fixes her vcr while he's there.
m: HA. i would sure love some, thank you. it makes my heart hurt.
b: my god
b: that one
b: you leave to run an errand you come back home - your shelves are hung up
b: fridge is fixed so it doesn't make that noise you never realized it made
m: says something like, "i heard johnny got promoted. he's a good guy- you should be proud of him."
b: omg
b: i bet he has a great dog
b: like a rott mix but with the tail not cut off
m: "well i better be going. i'm meeting my uncle jim- gotta help him put in the flooring at my aunt's place."
m: oh yeah- great dog.
b: and he has plaid flannel sheets
b: so warm
m: totally. and some great sweatshirts.
b: and they have the perfect amount of guy smell
m: gives ya shit for drinking skim milk.
b: makes great pancakes
m: works outside all day but always smells soapy. how does he do it?
m: omg- the breakfasts that guy can cook up!
b: right!
b: great tan in the summer
m: amazing.
m: "maybe i should drive you to work today so i can change the oil." FACE.
b: calls your mom "m'am"
m: my mom might try to make out with him.
b: right?
b: comes over to meet the parents and helps your mom with the gardening
b: digs all the big holes
b: really LOVES her food
m: then emails your brother this cool shit he read about that plane stuff they were talking about.
b: i love guy dave
m: i can't handle it.
m: that guy will never divorce you. never.
b: nope
b: he will not have issues talking about endometriosis
m: oh no, not at all. sometimes he drinks too much. that's the biggest problem.
b: right
m: i'm over it already.
b: maybe a slight temper problem
b: but only in the right situations
m: right- but no problem apologizing afterwards.
b: you don't have to throw a guy against the wall just because he called his girlfriend a bitch
b: maybe in a fight he'll punch a wall but then come right back and apologize
m: but he has just the right amount of balls that he would stand up for a stranger. like a guy is on the train harassing a girl. he says something like, "she told you to shut up, man. just leave her alone."
b: yes
b: perfect
b: like the dude that wouldn't leave me alone on the bus
b: if guy dave was on that bus!
m: he NEVER takes a seat if there are women standing.
b: forget it
b: holds doors
b: helps old people
m: offers to hold the old folks' bags for them.
b: and talk about a sense of humor!
m: HA
m: it's fucked up but he's so polite that he only busts it out when he knows his audience.
b: exactly
m: you never have to worry that he'll tell an inappropriate joke in front of your parents.
b: omg and that guy with his brother's kids????
m: jesus.
m: and the oral?
m: holy shit. where did he learn THAT?
b: omg and the not gross way he touches the small of your back when you're out in public?
m: i know. it's almost all business but not.
b: just enough affection
m: this is just what i do. i'm with my gal. what? it's normal.
b: and enough to let the other dudes know you're his
b: that guy - its not above him to fling you over his shoulder and take you to bed
m: it certainly is not.
b: i'm going to lose my mind
m: sometimes he cracks up for 20 minutes over the stupidest joke ever.
m: seriously. if i look at the picture of him climbing, i might just die.
m: that ass?
m: i can't handle it.
b: i know
b: and now that's he's totally perfect?
m: and the harnass just fits it like a goddamn glove.
b: you go to a wedding all dressed up and he whispers to you about how pretty you look
m: omg. so true.
b: just once in a while he'll touch your hair
b: again - not gross
m: dances kinda dorky but he'll get out there for a little bit.
m: he hangs out with your brother without you.
m: michigan ice fest needs an online directory of participants.
b: brings you an extra piece of cake because he knows you love the strawberry filling
b: omg, right?
m: watches just enough porn to make him a guy's guy but not so much that it's an obsession.
b: and it's not gross porn
m: no- very standard.
b: staight forward porn
b: doesn't have an asian gal fetish
b: because they're so petite
m: no. they're cute but what's the big deal?
b: right
b: rocks the boxer shorts and boxer briefs
b: totally has no issue with your gay friends that ALL have crushes on him
m: HA. SO TRUE.
b: he thinks it's hilarious when they come on to him
m: a little more politically moderate than you but he likes that you have your own opinions. doesn't argue with you- he has no interest in that.
m: yeah sometimes dan makes him blush.
m: and sometimes he thinks of people to set them up with. "how about that guy for your friend dan?"
b: yes
b: he may like guns
b: but only rifles for hunting
b: and he prefers bow and arrow anyway
m: oh yeah. he goes to the shooting range with a couple buddies now and then.
m: you have one lame argument about owning a gun but you get your way on that one.
m: he sometimes cries during movies.
b: omg yes
m: not bawling or anything- but the ones with the sick dogs...totally tears him up.
b: that raccoon that got stuck in the chimmeny? he got it out and drove it to some woods to set free - animal control would of killed it
b: and he has that old cage in the garage....
m: his emails are hilarious. always short and kind of lame but you think it's funny that he even emails in the first place.
m: handwriting? so boy.
b: he signs his text messages
b: oh the handwriting
b: he's tried to quit smoking so many times
m: omg. that is epic.
b: and he never smokes at home
m: he promises he will when you have a kid.
b: yes
b: he's uncomfortable goign to that fancy fundraiser with you but he goes anyway and looks way hot
b: sort of suffers through it but he knows its important to you
m: yeah. and winds up being the hit of the event cause he's so polite. you come home and he's all, "bob worthington seems like a cool guy." he knows all about bob's house in wyoming.
b: talks to him about that plumming issue
b: wrong diameter pipes!
b: that contractor totally ripped him off!
m: yeah. "i'm gonna go check out barbara cox's roof next week."
m: WHAT? i hate barbara cox!
m: "sorry. she said she thinks there's a leak. i mean, what was i supposed to say?"
m: TELL HER SHE'S A STUPID WHORE!
m: "uh...come back to bed..."
b: perfect
b: he'll go to the museum of contemprorary art with you
b: really tries but is way confused
b: you end up making fun of the giant baby for an hour and you cry you laugh so hard
m: and when he actually does like stuff he'll say something like, "wow...that's some cool shit."
b: that's just done with lights? no shit?
m: HA
m: later he's telling his friend about it. "they had these crazy fuckin lights. it was pretty cool..."
b: he hates the color you picked out for the bedroom but he paints it anyway
m: and then- where did he figure out how to do that stuff with the borders?
b: you didn't bitch too much when he got that four wheeler
b: even though it stresses you out when he rides it
b: but then he takes you on it and you love it
b: and he makes fun of you for it
m: when he goes climbing with his brother for a week, he tells his uncle to check in on you. uncle john shows up to say hi and you're kind of infuriated and also sort of find it endearing.
b: he shows up way too early one morning
b: on the way to the construction site
b: you're in a rage but you make him coffee anyway
m: exactly!
m: wind up cracking up. forget that you were pissed. just give guy dave some shit about it later.
b: right
m: your fights usually last for about 15 minutes.
b: he leaves to go to the store and you say: so should i be expecting uncle john over in the next 10 minutes?
m: he's so freaking well intentioned you try hard to stay pissed at him but you can't.
b: best makeup sex ever
m: and then he'll apologize so it's like: christ- can i hate you for at least the rest of the day?
b: nope
m: he calls you baby and it's not gross.
b: he smacks your ass but it's not demeaning at all
b: somehow it's totally cute
m: yeah totally. how does he get away with that?
b: he makes fun of you for watching all the hugh grant movies but he puts them on the netflix que for you anyway
m: omg, yes. just adds them to the cue. "why did we get "a walk to remember"? "figured you'd want to see that shit."
b: he'll totally put up with you brining stray animals home - even though he'll be like, um...what the hell am i supposed to do with a wounded squirrel?

John Mayer Gets Me (and Meg)

2007-01-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

Meg and I have recently developed an infatuation with John Mayer. Yes, I know we’re a little late to jump on that bandwagon but we’re not spring chickens. It’s much easier to get infatuated with a musician while in college, 1) you’re probably drunk and 2) you have access to super cheap and frequent shows.

I don’t recall how exactly we stumbled upon our new semi-obsession but I think it began with the Dave Chappelle skit. Then http://www.perezhilton.com/ drove us to John’s website, forcing the realization (through reading his blog,http://www.johnmayer.com/blog ) that JM is pretty funny. And, although we don’t know him personally and most dudes lack this attribute, he appears to be a normal guy (with mad talent).

Step one of the obsession: listening to as much JM as we possibly can. This only fueled our adoration of the guy, has anyone heard Come Back to Bed?

Still is the life
Of your room when you're not inside
And all of your things
Tell the sweetest storyline
Your tears on these sheets
And your footsteps are down the hall
Tell me what I didI can't find where the moment when wrong at all

You can be mad in the morning
I'll take back what I said
Just don't leave me alone here
It's cold, baby
Come back to bed

Okay, John. Sheesh. Of course I’ll come back to bed. I mean, you’ll take back what you said. I’ll be mad in the morning.

Or how about this gem from Your Body is a Wonderland?

Something 'bout the way the hair falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

You want love?
We'll make it
Swimming a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break 'em
This is bound to be a while

That guy. Never lets my head hit the bed without his hand behind it.
But really. Could JM get it more? (“it” meaning Meg and me. And probably scores of other women). With lyrics like this John could look like Sloth from the Goonies. How is he channeling all this wisdom? Has he made a deal with the Devil? Is he even human? Does he have normal parents?

Step two of the obsession, looking for John on YouTube.com. Initially this began with the search for the Chapelle show skit but we’ve unearthed a plethora of John footage. Apparently he had some skits on VH1 a few years ago called John Mayer has a TV Show. Check out this gem:

And how about this:

You have to be shittin’ me, the dude is freaking hilarious too? How is it that he can read my mind so well AND be side-splitting funny? At this point I’m pretty convinced he’s an android sent from the future to mess with women’s heads.

Anyway, I’m sure JM is as a great guy in person as he is on video/paper. I mean, he requested a cum drop on his lip on Perez’s site (http://perezhilton.com/topics/john_mayer/theres_something_in_the_gravity_20070102.php) because he gets it.

AND, more importantly he gets us.

What’s that? I look so good it hurts sometimes? Aww…that guy….

The 2006 Dating Round Up

2006-12-15T07:59:00.000-08:00

If I were to analyze my dating successes in the most detached, analytical way possible, I might say 2006 didn't really pan out for me. Here I am, without a special (human) winter friend, once again.

However, I've been in a really solid relationship with Netflix since May. After Meg introduced us, we started at two movies at a time. I think I'm ready to have Netflix come over more frequently-three movies at a time. It's big step, but it's worth it. Netflix has been so reliable. And even though it makes me cry sometimes, I laugh, too. No one else knows what I'm most likely to enjoy...

As for the people, I banked a few first dates, had the most awkward clown encounter of my adult life, and even dated a perfectly nice but smelly guy for a couple months. This year has been a real eye opener in dating strategy. The online stuff isn't for me. I'm not in the mood for the "told you so"ers today, either... Let me make my own mistakes Mom.

With Meg ushering in the Year of the Man, 2007 should be a little more interesting. Maybe her new experience will jumpstart the dating careers of all the Disaster Relief ladies. Maybe 2007 will be the year of meeting real people at real places. Maybe I have to practice making eye contact and smiling at people now.

I'm sorry Netflix... you've had me to yourself all this time. While I've really enjoyed our time together, I think we need some time apart. There's a big world to discover. Let's do just that, only not with each other. You're a great service. Oh, Netty! Don't cry your online tears. It's going to be okay. You have such an incredible technical support team. I'll always think fondly of you. And if you ever need anything, don't be afraid to pick up the high speed internet connection. I'm here.

Man Oh Man

2006-12-14T17:43:00.000-08:00

I never refer to the dudes I date as boys. I’m not in 7th grade. I date guys. Or at least I thought I did. Yesterday I was asked out by a man and I said yes. I don’t know if I’m ready for this.

I’m not exactly sure when guys become men, but once they do, there’s no turning back. I was a young woman at 18 and probably transitioned to full on woman at about 25. At least in my own mind. But guys take their sweet time becoming men, and I’m not sure if I’m happy about that or not.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what makes this man a man. He’s 40, so the age helps, but there are plenty of 40 year olds that wouldn’t make it to the man category. It’s not that he’s not age appropriate- in fact, he’s way more age appropriate than the 23 year old with whom I recently had a fling. It’s not that he’s not fairly hip- he has a great sense of humor and has an awareness of what’s going on around him. He’s got a full head of hair, young looking skin, and a doesn’t own a home. But there’s something about him that leads me to believe that if he ever sleeps over, he’ll bring his black leather toiletries bag with him.

He exudes a certain friendly confidence that says, “I sometimes wear a sleep mask at night and you will just have to deal.” It’s the same friendly confidence that says he might own maroon poly blend dress socks, drink manhattans and have no shame about his baseball card collection. It’s a confidence he wears as comfortably as he wears his navy blue terrycloth robe and brown slippers.

But the great thing about dating a man, is that they cut right to the damn chase. None of this “does he like me, or doesn’t he” crap. An evening of friendly conversation at an event was followed by an email the next day in which he asked me out. There was no need for me to put this email through the great female analyzation machine. He asked me out and that was that.

Maybe the thing that makes a man a man is the confidence. He’s not cocky. He just knows what he likes and wants and doesn’t apologize for it. Maybe 18 year old dudes would be wearing terrycloth robes if they weren’t so self conscious. Cause really- they just make good sense on a cold winter morning.

The beauty is that no matter if I date a boy, or a guy, or a man, there is one thing that doesn’t change. Fear of commitment. No matter what the age, level of confidence or fashion sense, a gal can always count on a guy to be terrified of commitment. But at least if I’m dating a man, in the midst of one of the inevitable cyclical relationship discussions that leave me with a pounding headache, I know I can find some aspirin in his black leather toiletry bag.

I am < > this close to making out with my pillow

2006-12-14T15:49:00.000-08:00

I’ve been out of dating commission for a while. This fall has been nuts. I had surgery, I worked 14 hour days all through October and I moved to a new neighborhood. My dating life has been on hiatus. It’s been necessary but now I’m emerging out of the chaos and I would really like to meet someone. Because, as I told Meg last night, I am this close < > to making out with my pillow.

Here’s my problem: I am dang sick of internet dating. I hate it. It’s fun to do for a while but then it get’s super lame. So this brings up the stressful issue of how to meet people outside of match.com and craigstlist. I’m beyond going out to bars and having one night stands. I am NOT looking for a serious relationship. I’m looking for a low maintenance relationship. The dude that will spend the night on weeknights, eat frozen waffles with me in my kitchen in his underwear and not expect that we hang out every Friday or Saturday.

Easy enough, right? Dudes hate commitment!! Now where to find these dudes that aren't gross. I talk to everyone I can at any event I go to. Readings, parties, whatever. I find most men are 1) married or 2) gay. Sometimes you strike on a rare single gem but then they either hit on your friend or there is negative zero chemistry. So what to do? I have no idea. But as I am officially back in the game, I will figure it out and share it with everyone who reads this blog (hello 2-3 readers!).

Wish me luck. (and my pillow – it might be a rough night)

Bozo the clown

2006-09-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

After last week's dating misfire, I returned to the my old internet stomping grounds for a little more punishment. Apparently, I've been a very bad girl.

I posted a funny little ad on Criagslist last week. As I waded through the responses, no one caught my eye. I decided to reply to the best of the average, and that's why I talked to a clown last night.

This is a case of having too little information before giving someone your phone number. A post-number-giving google search made me laugh/cry. This guy freelances as a children's party clown! Shit. Shit. Shit.

Fortunately, I was surrounded by friends. Someone called the number to request pictures and references. (He sent pictures today!) Others made inappropriate and hysterical clown sex jokes.
He called last night and it lasted all of two minutes. (Insert joke here.) As much as I enjoy Eugene Levy as the father in American Pie, I can't date that guy. There was a brief chat about what we ate for dinner followed up by a poorly executed story involving dinner. After I asked Bozo how old he was (39-- not in my dating range), I informed him this wasn't going to happen. He quickly and politely ended the call.

What the h-e-double hockey sticks! People wonder why I'm already so specific in my ads, and now I have to add this to the list. So now I'm looking for a funny, smart, compassionate guy who wears deoderant, has friends, and is not a professional clown.

The blind leading the blind

2006-09-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

This week, I invited a prospect out to a baseball game. Miracle of miracles, I didn't meet this guy online. I met him through work! We had a flesh and blood conversation without meeting for one drink at a bar for the "could I like you, your picture is accurate, but your humor exists only on e-mail, and sorry to hear that you are new to town and have never had a girlfriend before" date. Why am I more prepared for that stressful hour than I am randomly meeting someone with common interests?

There's always been a dash of flirty in our previous work meetings and e-mails. I thought an invitation to baseball game on Tuesday night would scream, "I'm interested in you! And if you say yes, you may be interested in me!"

Around the fourth inning, he mentioned "the girl he was dating." Would the girl that he's dating appreciate the way he's leaning into and touching the girl he's NOT dating? And why didn't this come up sooner? A mention during an earlier coffee get together or e-mail exhange would have saved me three hours of pretending we were just two friends drinking beer and watching a baseball game. FYI-This guy was an affectionate little bugger even after he dropped the girly bomb.

Although, I knew deep down in my heart with the Lord guiding me through this difficult time....

Just kidding. I sent a testing the water e-mail hoping that something had changed. Maybe he wasn't dating the girl anymore and there was room for a non-practicing Catholic in his Jewish world! His response was unimpressive and helped the rational side of me bully the irrational side. The disappointment still lingers. And the shock still shocks.

Is he clueless? Did he want to go to a baseball game that badly? Is he a player? (I happen to be a player hater.) Is he hoping to score a little fallen Catholic nookie?

It doesn't matter what he is. The bottom line is that he's no longer a prospect. RIP.

Once an Alien, always an Alien

2006-07-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

*Blogger is pissing me off a little. It's lost this entry like twice. Annoying.

I don't have much time to update as I'm busy with real life stuff like work (and with all the shit that has hit the fan I really need to organize my thoughts). A quick foreshadowing of the update to come. Here is my latest opinion of B.

Yes, that is a dagger in his head and a piece of poop on the other side.

Such high hopes for this one and bleh! He's an alien being all over again.

When will I learn not to get excited about these assholes? Anyone?

dounkin' dough..what?

2006-07-01T16:18:00.000-07:00

B dunked his krawler in my coffee last night. We had a fun date, a great night and a silly morning.

B's current standing: champ.

No Cobblers!

2006-06-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

My dear dear married friend, Goo$e, sent this to me. He's married (Soup Can was the best man) to the most wonderful gal. They give me hope that one day I'll meet someone not entirerly insane. (BTW, the image is from www.marriedtothesea.com)

Speaking of hope, I have a "date" with B on Friday. We've been emailing a little this week, all good, I think. So I hope it goes well. This may be the makeout date. Not sure yet. That B is a tricky one! I'll update on that event this weekend.

*update
So I email B this afternoon asking him what the plan for tomorrow is. Sorry but I'd like to know - a girl has other social events to attend! I get an email back asking when I get off work, he gets off work at 3:30. I send an email back explaining that I am free after 6:00. Then nothing from B.

Slightly annoying.

Around 8:00 pm tonight I send a text message (which makes me feel like a nag and I'm annoyed by this, but I want to see other friends that night too) asking if he has a time estimate. The following text message exchange just occured:

B: Hey! Maybe 8?

Beth: Hey, 8 is fine. How about Charlie's?

B: Charlie's Ale House?

Beth: Whatever Charlie's is on this street.

B: Don't give me whatever

(OKAY is he KIDDING? I mean, he should be but in the back of my mind....wtf?)

Beth: Listen, Sassy. The Charlies on the corner of this and this street.

So far, no response after an hour. Seriously dude, why do you spend hours making me cds and printing out cd covers that are really creative and fun - and you can't answer a one line text message? And the "maybe 8" is so reminscent (sp?) of the "maybe Friday" from Memorial Day weekend. Ohhh.....it's a holiday weekend thing with this dude. Some people act queer when there is a full moon. B does it around holiday weekends.

Stay away from that dude around Christmas! No saying what weird shit he might pull. Sheesh.

Dating for Aliens, Part Deux

2006-06-22T21:54:00.000-07:00

After a two week hiatus I get a message from B. I was surprised but pleasantly. I was hanging out with Trudy when said contact occurred, via text message. As Meg was visiting family out of state, I immediately text message her: B texted me, he wants to go get a drink tonight. Except that I send the text to B. Oh yea. SMOOTH. As soon as I realized what I have done, I scream. Trudy falls to the floor laughing. And I have to give B credit here. This is what I get back: He does.

It was hot that day but I was sweating from embarrassment.

I met B for drinks that night. I had a lot of fun. He’s super fun and nice. And wears really good pants. But what is going on here? There’s hugging and he’s paying for drinks but I am still not getting a clear read on this one. Maybe because he’s nice and funny and doesn’t stare at my chest. Or maybe he hasn’t gotten to that chapter in the Alien/Human dating manual yet. The good news is that I like him more and more. The bad news is….well there is no bad news. We exchanged some emails today – a great step – and we’re heading for drinks next week. Now: how to pay for the drinks….he keeps buying and I’m way overdue to take him out. And how to do something else besides drinking. Not that I mind boozing on dates, but maybe a walk of sorts? I’m too tired to think of something right now. Suggestions are welcome.

Overall freakiness factor: this is happening organically and I am so not used to that. I can’t wait to see what chapter of the Alien/Human dating manual he gets to by next week so I can keep you posted. Also, I’ll ask Soup Can for an evaluation of the situation as well. We all need some male perspective sometimes. But (who are we kidding here?) rarely.

If you (don't) love them, set them free

2006-06-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Meg met my latest soon-to-be dating casualty this weekend. Goule (as in Robert) joined us for an afternoon at the movies (The Break Up) and some post-cinema sorrow drowning at a nearby bar. After we parted ways, Meg texted , "Did you end it with Goule? He's a great dude but u r right. No chemistry."

It's been a couple months since Goule and I met. (He's an online find.) It's also been quite a while since I've known I don't enjoy his company.

Q: Why not just say that?
A: Because I opted for the passive aggressive approach first.

Guys purposely f@#k things up all the time to get girls to leave. Bad news, readers... Goule likes me (or is really thick), and I'm the asshole.

After the bar, we started walking back to my place. I faked a bad mood at a strategic street corner and sent him home. He asked if it was him. I blamed my mood. Would it have been bad form to break things off after seeing the Break Up?

Goule happens to be a perfectly nice guy. He's kind. He's attentive. He makes great pancakes. He completely blew my theory that finding one good guy in a sea of sketchy dudes would be enough.

Now it comes to the actual talk. Does it have to be in person? Over e-mail? On the phone?

Meg believes you can break things off using the same medium you used to meet them. However, if it's been a long term relationship or you're living together, they deserve some face time. Should we add this to the list of dating rules?

UPDATE: Using Meg's rule and Beth's editing prowess, I sent Goule an e-mail citing lack of chemistry and him deserving more. (After all, he does.) I get back from lunch to find a very forgiving e-mail response. There were just wishes of good luck and no mention of being friends. This was like pulling off a band aid- the dread is much worse than the action.

It's raining men... I've already met online

2006-06-19T16:16:00.001-07:00

After placing a personal ad on Craigslist last week, my inbox is filled with e-mails from men who have already e-mailed me through previous CL ads. Some would say I should really give these guys a chance. Others, including myself, would say these are the men I rejected the first and second time. The third time will NOT be the charm.

I'm seeing the same pictures. I'm reading the same e-mail responses. I'm hitting delete just as quickly as the first time. Why do they send half naked pictures? Why do they respond when they are miles outside my clearly stated dating age range? Why do they begin sentences with "but seriously now." Why do they look for intellectual conversation when the response is littered with misspelled words. Just a gentle reminder dudes... Affect is different from Effect.

Last fall and early this year were a flurry of dating activity for the Disaster Relief ladies. Sharing the horror stories was the fuel to our never ending first dates. Even the so-so dates entertained us... nice guy, nervous tick. What's a girl to do? If Craigslist, the web-land of plenty, is giving me nothing but divorcees and hipster boys who don't shower, where am I to turn?!?!?! Another website? Speed dating? Blind dates? Talking to strangers in public places?

I will not give up. The quest for more uncomfortable moments must continue. I have a responsibility to my friends. Back to the drawing board...

Transparent Tools and the Lovers that Love Them

2006-06-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

A while back Beth filled you in on the amazing VERY dirty martini she and Trudy gave to M. M wins my Tool of the Year award this year, with no contest. After a couple months of very casual dating, I called it quits with him because he just didn't seem into it anymore, and that made me not very into it either. He wanted to keep it going, but I just didn't have it in me. About a week after we began dating, he asked if I was seeing anyone else and I said I wasn't. He said he wasn't either. I verified this with him about a month into it because I'm just not into dating multiple people at once. It works for many folks, but for me it's just too many potential STDs to keep track of.

After I end things with him, I look at M's myspace page, because aside from watching gorillas hold puppies, there's really nothing I enjoy more in this world than to stalk people on the internet. I spotted a comment from a woman we'll call R, that said, "Glad you're back! Wink, wink!!" I immediately clicked on R's profile and hit the motherlode. A blog. A blog that mentions M in practically every post. It's clear from this trainwreck of a fourth grade reading level blog, that M and R have been dating for most of the time that M and I were. Including a trip together the weekend before, when M told me he had to go help his dad who just had a hernia. Not only does this guy lie, but he pulls the old sick family member trick! Classy!

I email M:
Read this on R's myspace profile:

I'm in a fairly new relationship. I can't go into details of that
except that my lover thinks there is some uncertainty of my feelings
(even after I spent six hours in the car with him on a trip to
Michigan).

I was wondering what that rash was,
Meg

He writes back:
I assume this was a joke of some kind. (?)
I started seeing R after you. If that's the joke.

I reply:
a)you're a transparent tool.

b)i'm not an idiot.

c)never contact me again.

He, apparently not quite comprehending my email, writes:
Transparent tool...is that when someone does something obvious and un-classy? Like playing stalker on myspace and getting angry about someone moving on?

It'll be like I never existed.

And I respond with:
M, stop letting the terrorists win.

And please re-read c from my previous email.

And that was the end of that. Well, sort of. I, of course, kept reading R's blog because I could just not tear myself away. Unfortunately, she's taken down the blogs about M, but I do recall my favorite excerpt. It went something like this:
"Last night I woke to a squeeze from my lover, and he whispered, "I wake up wanting you."

Amazing shit! I promptly forwarded it to nearly everyone in my address book.

Fast forward to a couple months later. I check in on R's blog and find a post with the subject: MEG!!! Content of post is: We broke up. You can have him.

Have I died and gone to internet stalking heaven? Side note: I'm in a coffee shop now, and "Pictures of You" by the Cure is playing. Something tells me R may've been listening to this when she blogged about M. I know I've put it on repeat when wallowing in lame guy induced self-pity. But I digress...

I emailed R through myspace:
hey r, i'm assuming you mean me because for some reason i click
on your blog a lot. maybe the same reason that i watch gilmore girls
and don't know why. after i broke up with m, and realized that he
had been dating you for part of that time, i considered emailing you
and letting you know in case you didn't. seeing as he lied to me, i
figured he could be lying to you too. but then i just didn't want to
get involved. i have absolutely no interest in dating that dude. he's
a huge tool. it'd be pretty damn hilarious if i'm not the meg you're
referring to. i wouldn't put it past m to date multiple megs
at once. -meg

No response. But that doesn't mean Beth and I have stopped reading her blog. It's so horrific that it's amazing. Beth said that it'd be more useful to replace her blog with pop-up ads. I'd tend to agree, except it does provide us with some level of amusement.

Example of a recent post:
Small World

I ran into two of my ex-boyfriend's friends today.

That might not seem that weird except that I knew them both in NYC -- one still lives there and the other lives in Geneva. They were at the Lake. It was totally random. Of course I was running, sweaty and looking and smelling far from my best. Darn.

I was actually thinking about Ante (the friend) the other day when I made my lemon meringue pie. He lived with me and my friend, Kate, briefly when I learned how to make it. Now I always think of him when I make lemon meringue pie.

I don't care at all about that particular ex, but he always haunts me in weird ways. I once ran into his cousin at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas. Again: random.

Beth's response:
If I EVER kill myself and not leave a note, please know it's because I accidentally reread this again.

There was another recent post about how she loves summer in Chicago because she can be naked in her apartment and she's always biking biking biking and she can't wait to make some gazpacho! Wow.

Beth: can we discuss for a second, Rs blog entry?
Beth: good thing it’s hot because i like to walk around naked
Beth: M must of read her blog
Beth: she's trying to make him wake up wanting her again
Meg: oh yeah- r and her fuckin blog. it's so true- the naked comment was so directed at M, and any other dude who might be reading it.
Beth: exactly
Beth: so lame
Beth: i can't decide whether to bring the computer home today or not
Beth: if i don't, i'll get more stuff done around the apt
Beth: but i feel naked without it
Beth: maybe i should write about that in my blog
Beth: NAKED NAKED NAKED
Meg: totally. i feel naked without it. did you hear that M?? NAKED.
Beth: cuz its HOT
Beth: SO HOT AND I’M NAKED
Meg; so hot, i think I NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER!
Meg: WATER DRIPPING ON MY NAKED BODY
Beth: yes, then I'll just marathon bike
Beth: bikebikebike and make gaspacho and eat it NAKED
Meg: oh god- if it's summer and you can't find me...i'm BIKING!
Beth: yes then i'll run 13 miles and eat some more gaspacho
Beth: that's what i do!
Beth: naked!
Meg: and lemon bars! all while i'm naked!
Beth: yes
Beth because its hot
Beth: its so HOT in the office today

I'd like to thank M for being the huge asshole that he is. R's lame blog really is the gift that keeps on giving. Now if you'll excuse me, it's HOT and I need to get NAKED!

It's hot in here and it's not my space heater!

2006-06-05T14:19:00.000-07:00

I know this has nothing to do with dating but I found this picture today and I feel like the first person who put peanut butter and chocolate together. Why have I not thought of this combo before? Jake AND Justin? Brokeback 2 anyone?

Mating with Humans for Aliens: 101

2006-06-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

This picutre cracks me up.

Here is my recent experience with Neighbor B (I’ll shorten to B for time’s sake). Maybe someone can explain his behavior to me because to this day I have no idea with B’s problem is.

I live in a great one bedroom on the 3rd floor of a three flat. I have a washer and dryer in my unit. My landlord and his family live on the first floor and up until recently the second floor was occupied by two guys, B and his roommate. For a year and a half I talked and ran into the roommate on a regular basis but never officially met B. Over the holidays a card appears by my front door. On the envelope it reads: Hey Sexy. On the inside (the card has bears in suits on it) it says: Hey Sexy, Merry Christmas, Call me, B! *insert phone number* I assume my neighbor got drunk and I leave things as are but we do share a couple of awkward glances when we see each other on the stairs.

One Saturday morning not too long after the holidays, I open my front door to find a bottle of wine and a note. B is asking to bribe me to do a load of laundry (B and his roommate don’t have laundry facilities in the building). The bottle of wine was a bit much but this didn’t surprise me as if I were in B’s place, I’d be asking to do laundry at my place all the time. I go downstairs, introduce myself, and let B know I’ll leave my apt open for him, as I was leaving for the day. I come back to a lovely thank you note on my table (black stationary, silver pen). What guy owns a silver pen?

Over the next few weeks I run into B at the store but fail to realize it’s him and walk right past until it’s too late. Oops. Meanwhile Meg and Trudy are hard at trying to convince me that B has a thing for me. I still think he just wants to do laundry.

Few weeks later I come home and there is a CD on my door. The attached notes says: I made you a CD, can you tell I need to do laundry? Let me know if that’s okay *insert number* I’ll owe you one again! He made me a CD? He printed a title and matched the song fonts to the artist fonts? Meg and Trudy fly into a frenzy of “he so wants you!”. I’m still skeptical. This time I was home when B came over. He had literally 3 things to wash. I apologize for blowing him off at the grocery store and we chat for 45 minutes. Turns out he’s a great guy! He’s funny! He’s wearing a good cashmere sweater, in that alternative way. He lets me know him and the roommate are moving out in a few weeks. But then I leave for a bbq and he finishes his laundry.

Finally, a few weeks after that I come home to find another CD on my door. Note on it this time says nothing about laundry but asks me out for a drink. This one is also all printed up with coordinating fonts. OKAY – so Meg and Trudy were right, B has a crush.

So B is wooing me and when is the last time any us have been wooed? I’m flattered. We play phone tag for a week or so but make plans for him to join me and my friends on my birthday – his moving weekend. B shows up at the bar and waits for us for an hour and is fun all night. He fits in well with everyone, is very attentive to me. When we end up at my friend’s house at 1:00 am to watch movies, he pays for everything we pick up at the grocery store before – beer, snacks, ect. We end up watching movies, drinking, and cracking up till four or five AM. At this point, B is between apartments so he ends up staying at my place on the air mattress. Wakes up in the AM, goes out and brings us all back coffee (another friend was staying with me too). At this point I’m thinking: I’m not attracted to the guy, but he’s funny and nice AND he’s trying real hard. A date is in order. And at least one make out, if I can handle it.

Two days after I get really sick and am out of commission for 3 weeks. B sends me a few text messages but I explain the situation and he wishes me well and periodically checks in.

Once I get better I text up B. He sends me a message during the week asking if he can buy me a drink. I say yes but don’t hear from him until that Saturday in the late afternoon. Well balls, I already have plans! I suggest Sunday, which gets no response from B, just a voice mail that says: are you going out tonight? I have to say, I’m a little annoyed.

Later that week I feel bad so I send B a message suggesting that we grab a drink during the week. I get a note back saying – maybe Friday. He’s busy at work. Okay – that’s fair but I don’t hear from him until 10:00 pm on Friday while I’m already out. Voice mail: it would make me really happy to get you a drink tonight. Dude, itss 10:00 pm on Friday! Call at 5:00 pm. So I send a message – I’m out already, what are your plans for the rest of the weekend? NO RESPONSE until (hold on to your chair!) a text message at 1:30 am on Sunday. Message reads: Are you still up? (oh yea it did!!).

Sunday Meg and I hit the beach and try to figure this out. No way this guy wooed me for months for a booty call. I send a message: isn’t it a little early for booty calls? I get a lame response back, something about how he was out in the neighborhood and wanted to see if I was out. You didn’t know you were out before 1:30? Right. B got busted. He then sends a lame message inviting me to a bbq at his house – that afternoon. I didn’t even respond. Thanks for your lame ass last minute invite I did ask you what your plans for the weekend were on Friday, apparently it didn’t dawn on him to invite me then. Haven’t heard from him since.

One of my guy friends, Soup Can, had a theory. B is an alien that read some sort of a “how to mate with a human” manual and tried the wine and CDs and now is confused as to why the booty call didn’t work. Good theory. But here is my question: is this guy really an alien or just a tool? Other suggestions?

It’s your call! (And lets not make it a BOOTY call)

Payback is a bitch...but we're even bigger bitches

2006-04-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

Let's talk payback.

So Trudy and I are enjoying $4 martinis at a favorite bar last Wednesday. I'm on my way out of the bathroom and out of the corner of my eye I catch some dude smiling and making eyes at me. I flip my hair and look up only to find Bastard M looking at me and smiling.

Bastard M is a dude Meg dated for a couple of months....nothing heart breaking but he cheated on her, lied to her and put her in danger of getting all kinds of STDs. She didn't cry over the dude but he did a way shitty thing. We've been trying to figure out how to punish him for a while now.....mess with who ever is dating him now, get him fired, burn his car...you know. Usual payback stuff.

So I make eye contact with Bastard M and wonder if he recognized me or if he think's I'm some gal he shtuck last year. I only met him once, briefly. As I round the bar and get out of his line of vision I run back to the table and let Trudy in on who's at the bar. We decided we can't pass up the opportunity to do something. But what?

I suggest going over there and dumping a glass of water on his head and calling him a bastard. An okay idea, as I could be any of the gazillion girls he fucked and doesn't really recall but messy and we like the staff. Trudy (who has another friend Bastard M has penetrated) suggests she gets two shots, spits in one and takes them over there, asks him to do a shot and gives him the nasty one. Okay but eh....will he do the shot? It's just odd. Then we come up with a brilliant plan.

As our amazing server gal brings us new drinks we give her the 411. We ask...can we send over a drink that we spit in? We're expecting a firm no, but our gal comes through for us. She'll bring us a drink and leave it on our table for a bit and then come back to deliver it. We salivate at the idea. And a good thing we did. As she drops the drink over at our table, she suggests dropping the garnish on the floor. Trudy grabs the lemon twist and proceeds to rub it on the floor for a good 30 seconds. I spit in the drink, she spits in the drink...the garnish gets put back in. I then pick a booger and mix it in (the drink was a martini with pineapple pulp, a booger is undetectable) and Trudy sticks her pinky in her ear, moves it around and then rims the glass. We mix it all up and our gal takes it over.

Bastard M was surprised when the server put a drink in front of his face and said: looks like someone at the bar likes you! At that point he was clearly on a double date. 15 minutes later our server did another swoop. She approached our table laughing. What is going on? Oh, both Bastard M and his date are sharing the drink. VICTORY!!!! We tipped our server 100% and made our escape. I love being a girl and I love my friends that'll do shit like this with me.

Does this put Bastard M in the safe zone? No. He will be killed a little each time we run into him until he's a former shell of what he used to be. But for now, it'll do.

I'll let Meg fill ya'll on Bastard M's lameness so you can understand better. I can't wait to make him cry a little.

Age Appropriate

2006-03-23T15:44:00.000-08:00

Is this concept lost on men? Few will realize the dream of banging a barely legal, so stop asking. As men get older, I seem to be a part of the pool of supple young things. Do me a favor fellas... answer these questions before you approach.

1. Are you old enough to have fathered me?
2. Are you a grandparent to anyone my age?
3. Have you been drinking?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, please don't approach.

And the winner is......your choice!!!

2006-03-22T10:56:00.000-08:00

Greetigs - Beth here!! We've gotten all sorts of creative responses to the disaster relief ad. Meg gave you a brief preview with the note from the married nurse...and her brilliant response. Seriously buddy, get a life. Although as you see, many of the fellas that responded need help, in terms of therapy and getting a life. We had a few generic responses i.e.: Hi I'm Chuck, liked you ad, here's my pict! - Fuck you Chuck. You email everyone on cragistlist. Move on. Then you get the pervs. Then you get the funny pervs. Then you get the ones that are down on their luck but are still on craigslist looking for a lay. On the other hand, others included on this list got the joke and praised the authors. I included these just to make us look better than we already do.

Enjoy! (and lets discuss later!)

”quite possible the funniest post ive read on craigs list. if your serious or not i have no idea, but please keep up the great work.”

“what about pending disasters? i'm getting ready to hunker down for the bird flu pandemic. maybe if we like the same canned foods, bottled water and board games we can share a bunker. ;-)”

“I assure u I will cherish the box”

“Wow!If there were a contest for the most creative post on CL .. this one surely takes the cake.I'm all yours to help. .”

“hmmmm.....i'm a disaster...lol terry”

“After reading your ad I have been demolishing my house with a sledge hammer so I can get some of your FEMA assistance. I'm 41, 6'6", 215. Get out the red cross doughnuts baby. – Tom”

“How about helping a man with Erectile dysfunction?”

“Nice post! I'm Robert. I am smiling from ear to ear. I could use a good friend. I have had a really tough time over the last 18 months. I lost my dad to cancer, which tore our family apart. I lost my job at the same time from taking care of dad and missing toomuch work. I have only been able to find p/t work since then. Now, my mom is going to die from cancer. All of my friends were all co workers, have their own lives, live in the burbs and really just stay in their own worlds. There's so much more. I still smile though. I still keep trying to move forward. I have been staying on a friends couch for 4 months now and it's getting old. ANd I think she's getting tired of it as well. I could use a break and a change. I'm hoping that a job lead will fall through. I really miss working f/t. I'm a designer of kitchens and bathrooms. I love it. I miss it. I want to create again. Heck, I just want a really good friend to talk to and feed off of each other. MOtivate, inspire, etc,. I have tons of interests. I have a great dog. I have great potential. Hell, I just want someone special to rock me like a hurricane! IN return? You'll see..I have a heart of gold, true class, and think that despite all the turmoil, I'm still one of the best guys around. This is me minus the goatee. I'm home and will be online a little. On and off. Let me know if you want to talk. Maybe we can meet up later tonight? I hope you have a great day!”

“Hey there,Funny post, can you help me store some things if I wasn't in a natural disaster, but rather a meltdown of other sorts? I own a sales co. that sells to the auto industry which is in the toilet right now. I had to let my employees go yesterday. I will take them back under contract employment as I need them and have taken great care of them while they worked for me. They were very loyal and I was very rewarding, it was a great relationship that I hope to be able to recover.In the meantime, I came across your ad and thought it might just be some good medicine to find someone fun right now, no hand-outs, I'm not desperate, but sure would be nice to get my mind out of here for a while. Any interest? Steve”

“I do need relief and a box to put my thing into, but it has nothing to do with a disaster. Lets meet for a drink and start to help each other.”

“Just curious, dear, what about those who have self inflicted injuries, andwho will repeat the process again and again, do you help those people?Also, have you ever heard of a neighborhood that did not go down hill whenblacks start moving in? If so where is that neighborhood at?Sincerely, Charles”

All around brilliant, I think. We might post the results back on craigstlist and see what happens. I love the internet.

Cry Me a River

2006-03-18T17:34:00.000-08:00

As promised, here's an email we got in response to the disaster relief CL ad:

You're a Craigs list Philanthropist after my own heart TGIF and friendly greetings to you!

Your ad brought a ray of sunshine to this 36 year old north shore nursing student. I'm married and a stay-at-home Dad/neglected house husband. Just wanted to shoot you a funny cartoon and an appreciatve note. Reading Craigslist has been helpful in keepin my sanity and my perspective on life.

I wish ya well and heck I'd even love the opportunity to share some positive chemistry notes with you some time.

Regards,
Greg

There was a photo attached. My reply to him:

I don't think CL is the place to gain perspective on life, Greg.
You're married. You shouldn't be emailing single women your picture.
I don't care how desperate and neglected you feel. Talk to your wife
about it. Not me. Maybe go to a counselor.

Cry me a fuckin river, Greg. And then go clean your bathroom floor
with the tears. Really now- your kids deserve more than a dad who's
sending his picture to single women on the personals.

Disgustedly yours,
Meg

dear diary,

2006-03-18T13:54:00.000-08:00

i couldn't be happier to join this disaster relief blog. i'm not much of a blogger but i'll try anything once, even a high pitched sex talker.

i'm thinking with a little time and a lot of great stories, this could be the next indiebride. people coming to us for our expert advice on attracting and repelling the best and the worst of 2006.

i'm ready to begin posting. i've been in quite a dry spell for the last two years; but when it rains it pours and it's winter in san francisco, so get out your umbrellas.

currently, i find myself dealing with two (and a half) men. the first being a high pitched sex talker who throws around the term deuche bag like he is a walking ad for Massengill. the other being a guy i became friends with about six months ago and am just short of in love with his best friend (he's the half, since he is uninterested in me). i know, ladies, don't be too jealous of me. right now, i'm alternating their days and hoping not to repeat conversations i had with one the previous evening. i keep cliff notes on my inner arm.

well, i just got back from a nice day with above said half man. we went for a morning run in the park and then down to the ferry building farmer's market for some outside breakfast and organice produce shopping. it is an absolutely gorgeous day after weeks of grey skies and rain. it was enough to make me moist on a dry day.

maggie

Relieving Disaster

2006-03-17T14:31:00.000-08:00

The best thing about dating is overanalyzing the hell out of it with my friends afterwards. Honestly. Last weekend I was sitting in a coffee shop with two friends talking about the ridicularity of a dude who has a high pitched dirty talk voice. We were all snorting our coffee we were laughing so hard. We were LOLing, if you will. If I'm out on a date and the guy is a loud laugher, or busts a "I work hard and play hard" the only thing that prevents me from dying of embarassment, is the thought, "I can not freaking way to tell the gals about this fella."

I feel lucky. I've got a job I'm happy with, I'm in good health, I have excellent friends and family and manage to do fun things with my free time. Sometimes I complain about being single and the whole dating thing, but really- it's not a bad place to be. Meeting new people all the time. Some of them are truly good dudes. Some of them really know their way around the boudoir. And others are so ridiculous that it's just comedy gold.

Why not share the joy? The other day, Beth and I were lamenting the lameass posts on CL and all these gals whose postings just reak of desperation and lack humor of any kind. So, we got an idea for an inappropriate but funny post and went with it. Let it be known that is the first and only fake post I've sent to CL, but I just had to see what the reaction would be. We were happy to see that everyone who responded appreciated the humor.

Subject: Disaster Relief

let's face it- nothing can really repair the damage done by the recent natural disasters, but i'm happy to try to help a man in need.

down on your luck? lost your house in katrina? tornado rip through your trailer last weekend? sitting in your yard trying to piece your life back together? well, let me help you, because i've got a box for you to put your junk in.

i'll rock you like a hurricane, but this time it won't kill your dog.

me: 30, slim, light brown hair, green eyes, fun, loyal, spontaneous, and always out to help those in need.

Stay tuned for a great email exchange that ensued.

2006-03-17T14:03:00.000-08:00

This is a test post...yes lame. But we're new to this. And our blog shouldn't look like a disaster, just describe our dating lives. Which happen to be disasterous. Enjoy!